


Virgil's Log. (Or; the War of CescaLR and Mr6volt, or; this is batshit insane lol)

by CescaLR, mr6volt



Series: The Log's Of Virgil/The Author's Pantheon/Union/Council Wars: Subset 34354674233584-D; CescaLR VS Mr6volt [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Author's Union/Council/Pantheon (Seriously, Being Rewritten, CescaLR out - Freeform, Crack, Crack/Serious/Thriller?? maybe, F/F, F/M, Gen, Genre:, M/M, Multi, Oops, Other things to be added, SO, There will be Serious moments tho, With Caps Lock, because this is silly, choose your name already guys), heh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-08-24 11:06:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8369884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CescaLR/pseuds/CescaLR, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mr6volt/pseuds/mr6volt
Summary: So this nonsense started in a comment war.Now it's this.





	1. The Crackiness Begins.

**Author's Note:**

> So this nonsense started in a comment war.  
> Now it's this.

[Log Creator: ?. Date: Wed 05 Oct 2016  Time:  05:08PM BST]

[Log is open for Edit. Type ‘Yes’ to do so. Jackass.]

[‘Yes’]

[Log closed. New Log opened. Awaiting entry. Get on with it.]

* * *

[Log is open for Edit. Type ‘Yes’ to do so. Jackass.]

[‘Yes’]

 

[Log closed. New Log opened. Awaiting entry. Get on with it.]

* * *

Clouds swirled at hurricane force in the shape of a tunnel around the man flying towards a bright light. The occasional thunderclap of blue lightning lit up the dark infinity. His clothes flapping in the wind, but leaving him mostly untouched despite his high velocity. Smiling mischievously, the man actually known as Mr6volt, was looking forward to coaxing a new chapter out of one of the Authors he follows on ArchiveofOurOwn.

 

The end of the tunnel suddenly began to transform and resolve into a door surrounded by ethereal clouds. The moment Mr6volt’s feet gently touched down at the small patch of wooden flooring, he grasped the door handle and slowly entered.

Tip toeing into the room, unbeknownst to a woman named CescaLR, Mr6volt was able to approach without so much as a squeak of floorboards. In one hand a paper cup with a coffee shop logo the reader probably never heard of, and the other a pair of handcuffs.

 

Reaching around CescaLR, who was busy working on a Latin assignment, instead of the Next Chapter, he placed the cup directly under her chin, patted her keyboard saying “Time for more workies!” and abruptly slapped the cuffs on her wrist.

Before CescaLR could respond, the strange man had already fled back through the door he had entered through. Which was odd, considering that it was the door to her bedroom’s Closet.

CescaLR heard a crash and Mr6volt’s muffled cursing which was then followed by the sound of thunder with light flashing under the door.

[Log Creator: Virgil Date: Thu 06 Oct 2016 Time: 12:08PM EDT]

[Log is open for Edit. Type ‘Yes’ to do so. Jackass.]

[‘Yes’]

[Log closed. New Log opened. Awaiting entry. Get on with it.]

CescaLR, having been caught unawares, grimaced. Although she _had_ just been handcuffed to her goddamn desk, which in and of itself is a hinderance to her writing but whatever, took the proffered coffee; because only a fool would not. (Coffee = greatness, if you did not know that. Somehow.) Though she did drink the Coffee, she had been awake for far too long for it to do overmuch - in fact, it had _the opposite effect;_ in that, she promptly fell asleep at her desk after drinking it.

(Well. Bollocks.)

[Log Creator: Virgil Date: Fri 07 Oct 2016  Time: 06:33PM EDT]

[Log is open for Edit. Type ‘Yes’ to do so. Jackass.]

[‘Yes’]

[Log closed. New Log opened. Awaiting entry. Get on with it.]

click-click-click-click

CescaLR snapped back into awareness, still handcuffed to her desk. Quickly pinpointing the odd click-click-click-click sound that had roused her, she spun around in her chair as far as the handcuffs would allow. Spread across the couch behind her, Mr6volt was drumming his clawed digits against the armrest looking incredibly bored.

"Finally awake are we?" Mr6volt sighed. click-click-click-click

CescaLR yanked on her bonds sharply, causing the desk to quake. "You can't keep me here! I have classes! A job! People will notice i'm missing!" she growled.

Mr6volt merely rolled his eyes. "Spare me the melodrama. We both know that time doesn’t pass in the Real World while we’re here." He started. "Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the amount of effort that goes into writing these Chapters, and also appreciate the high quality of said Chapters." CescaLR was astonished to see that he pulled a wand out of his jacket during the pause in speaking. "However, my patience is beginning to... wane."

CescaLR's eyes were now bouncing between Mr6volt's extended claws, and the wand in total confusion. *Did he just cross Teen Wolf with Harry Po-* Her confusion was replaced with abject horror the moment he flicked the wand in the direction of her closet. Before her eyes, half of her clothes changed to an eye watering shade of fuchsia with lime green horizontal stripes.

Nearly in tears, she abruptly tried to stand causing her computer monitor to tip dangerously as she was yanked back into her chair. "YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" Her next words died on her lips as the wand was directed between her eyes.

"Now, Now, CescaLR" Mr6volt smirked evilly. "For each day you dawdle in your duties, I will change another outfit to an even more blinding color combination. A week? I use your furniture to sharpen my claws." He ended his ultimatum with a grin showing far too many Very. Sharp. Teeth.

Mr6volt flicked his wand at her, causing CescaLR to flinch violently. As he slid his wand back inside his jacket, she realized that her handcuffs had vanished. Hoping to gain the element of surprise, CescaLR lunged at him during his seemingly distracted state, only to fall onto an empty couch half a second after Mr6volt's body warped and twisted in upon itself and disappeared with a loud CRACK!

She punched the couch and turned around to sit. Blowing hair out of her face, she slammed her fist into the armrest. "FUCK!”

[Log Creator: Virgil Date: Sat 08 Oct 2016 Time: 7:53PM EDT]

[Log is open for Edit. Type ‘Yes’ to do so. Jackass.]

[‘No’]

[‘Fuck off then.’]

* * *

[Enter ‘yes’ to edit. Try not to put the wrong word; you’ve already proved your stupidity enough.]

[‘yes’]

[Log closed. New Log opened. Awaiting entry. Hurry up already.]

CescaLR had A Plan. It was a simple plan, as she fully well knew Plans in Fiction tend to go awry if they’re overly complicated. See, her plan is this:

Mr6volt (How she knew his name, she was not going to question) was Going Down. That was it. No, step-by-step nonsense that would only get her Revoked. No.

And besides - no-one had the right to keep her _captive!_

And so, using the powers granted to her by being An Author, she summoned The Main Cast of Good Guys – from teen wolf, of course - to her aid.

"Hey, everyone. I’m sorry to bother you, but this complete shithead is being an asshole, and threatening me with Wardrobe Malfunction and Clawed Up Furniture. All I’m asking of you is to help me defeat this... amalgamation of -” (annoyingly, as CescaLR happens to love both these fandoms) “- Harry Potter and Teen Wolf?”

There were nods around the room; everyone was in. (Though Peter was probably only in so that he could cause havoc and emotional turmoil. As he is wont to do.)

CescaLR had another, brilliant, idea.

“In fact..." she murmured, then, again, using the abilities granted to her, she Wrote In the Main Cast of Good Guys (This time, from Harry Potter.) "You guys can help as well." She finished, loud and clear and slightly cocky sounding. (She’s an Author. What do you expect of someone with – almost, drat – ultimate power?)

When the faces of the present Harry Potter characters showed signs of confusion, Lydia simply gave them the transcript that CescaLR decided to Write that she owned, for conveniences sake more than anything. "I will now summon the Mr6volt Wizard-Wolf man thing", and so she did. Whilst he was disoriented (as he had just been Written In As Such) Stiles trapped him with the mountain ash CescaLR Wrote In because she needed a way to trap Mr6volt. (Hermione Granger also used Petrificus Totalus on him, to magically bind the Creature.)

"Haha!" CescaLR yelled triumphantly. "Take that, jerkface!" She high-fived Malia, who looked amused, if slightly confused.

(They seem to be sitting there, waiting for the next move. Odd. I thought Authors were held only to their own rules. Maybe times have changed; I’ve been around for… a _long_ time.)

 

[Log Creator: Virgil Date: Sun 09 Oct 2016 Time: 05:29PM EDT]

* * *

[Log is open for Edit. Type ‘Yes’ to do so. Jackass.]

[‘Yes’]

[Log closed. New Log opened. Awaiting entry. Get on with it.]

 

CescaLR had since lost interest in Mr6volt's predicament, and had returned her focus to her other obligations.

Malia looked upon Mr6volt with growing concern. "Say... Hermione?"

Hermione tilted her head and replied with an oddly vacant tone "Yes, Malia?"

"Why is Mr6volt rocking himself and mumbling like that?" Malia asked, while watching the mentioned man sitting on the floor holding his knees to his chest. "He smells... odd. As if he rolled around in frog shit mixed with greasy hair." Blinking away her confusion, she asks "And are you sure that's going to hold him, I thought you people could just apparate?"

Expression not having changed in the last five minutes, Hermione answered. "Oh, that's not Mr6volt. But don't worry, he knows not to disobey me." Her smile slowly turned demented.

"Wait.. what?"

Hermione's hair was becoming noticeably less brown and bushy, and more straight and platinum blonde by the moment. "This is Professor Snape." 'Hermione' replied, looking increasingly like a botched polyjuice attempt.

Malia glanced sharply back to the man on the floor, who's hair was changing from a short dirty blond to a long black. His scandinavian skin tone had already shifted to an ugly sallow.

The others in the room had yet to notice what was happening, as they were too busy bickering about whether to kill or blackmail Season 4 Peter into not killing Scott. Said former Alpha was merely sitting there looking vaguely disgruntled, and yet oddly agreeable since their assessment of his character was not wrong.

 

"Cesssscaaaaa...." Malia projected with her head turned vaguely to the side.

CescaLR, distractedly grunted. Turning around, she was presented with a quizzical Malia, a Hermione that was half way through a transformation into Luna Lovegood, and one Professor Snape wearing Mr6volt's clothing.

"What... HOW?"

"I don't know." Malia huffed and shrugged, clearly no longer giving a shit.

CescaLR tilted her head as she tried to hear what Snape was muttering. "What's he saying?"

Malia looks at Luna. "Who's Mr. Sodomy Donkey, and why is he begging to be spared a visit?" This halted the arguing across the room, and all heads slowly panned towards her.

Not having a chance to listen to Luna's explanation about that bit of strangeness, CescaLR's watch started to beep insistently. She thought this to be quite odd, considering she wasn't wearing one an hour ago. A second after glancing up, she felt a hook behind her navel yank her from the room and into a swirling tunnel of high-budget portkey special effects. Flipping arse over elbow several times, CescaLR's windy ride ended rather rudely as she landed upon her back on smooth concrete.

Blinking several times to clear her vision, she found the grinning face of Mr6volt standing over her. "What took you so long?" He reached toward her to help her off her feet.

*SLAP!*

"OW! What the hell?!"

"You know why!" CescaLR then turned around to survey her new location.

She found herself surrounded by people seated at tables, drinking coffee and typing on laptops. None of whom seemed to notice her dramatic entrance or reaction to Mr6volt's presence. Continuing her perusal, she noted the strong smell of high-end espresso and pumpkin flavored baked goods.

CescaLR slowly turned back to the new bane of her existence. At her questioning look, he spoke. "Before your failed attempt at summoning me into a circle of mountain ash, as if I were some common demon, I had already planned on apologizing for my heavy handedness."

Gesturing to the coffeehouse they were now occupying, he continued. "This is Intelligentsia Coffee, my favorite place in downtown Chicago. I felt that you deserved a major gesture to hopefully gain your forgiveness." He smiled guiltily.

CescaLR merely raised an eyebrow, which quickly faltered when she felt a credit card being pressed into her hands. "How about you go order whatever you like, and perhaps we can chat in a more civilized manner?"

Whirling around, she smirked evilly and marched towards the uppity looking hipster manning the coffee bar, having every intention of maxing out Mr6volt's credit card even if she had to be rolled out of the store ala Veruca Salt.

* * *

Meanwhile:

Most of the other Characters that CescaLR had summoned, had already gotten bored and had thus wandered off to find food in the City beyond her home. But really, they wanted to get away from Luna. This left Luna, Malia, and a sullen Snape alone in CescaLR’s room.

 

"Luna, if you ask me to wear that leather catsuit, one more time, i'll rip your throat out." Malia was growling threateningly with her arms crossed over her chest feeling extremely naked, despite her usual number of clothing layers.

Luna looked a little too excited at this. "With your teeth?"

[Log Creator: Virgil Date: Sun 09 Oct 2016  Time: 08:48PM EDT]

* * *

[Log is open for Edit. Type ‘Yes’ to do so. Jackass.]

[‘Yes’]

[Log closed. New Log opened. Awaiting entry. Get on with it.]

[Virgil would like to inform you of this:

If you gave your screen a blank stare regarding Luna and Snape, take a look here:[ https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2565609/123/Odd-Ideas](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2565609/123/Odd-Ideas)]

[Log Creator: Virgil Date: Mon 10 Oct 2016 Time: 01:48AM BST]

* * *

[Log is open for Edit. Type ‘Yes’ to do so. Jackass.]

[‘Yes’]

[Log closed. New Log opened. Awaiting entry. Get on with it.]

CescaLR pretended to be talking to the cashier for a few moments, until Mr6volt had moved his attention elsewhere. Quickly, she fled the shop, only to find herself in some American place she did not recognise.

"Well. Shit." She commented, looking around herself.

As the Authoress decided not to simply Write herself home, (as that would Ruin The Plot, of course) - she simply Wrote herself standing outside a coffee shop in Orlando, Florida; truthfully only so that she could splurge in Harry Potter Land.

Grinning happily, she Wrote In a few Police Officers to stall Mr6volt so as to Postpone The Ending, and ran off.

(She would like to inform you that she had loads of fun and maybe maxed out Mr6volt’s card. Oh well.)

[Log Creator: Virgil. Date: Mon 10 Oct 2016 Time: 03:44AM EDT]

* * *

 

[Log is open for Edit. Type ‘Yes’ to do so. Jackass.]

[‘Yes’]

[Log closed. New Log opened. Awaiting entry. Get on with it.]

After realizing that CescaLR had escaped, Mr6volt ordered himself a latte and sat at a window seat to contemplate his next move. Things were certainly getting weirder by the hour ever since he entered the Fandom Universe.

His primary frustration was the fact that he was stuck following the rules of this Universe, whereas CescaLR had Author Powers that could break the rules with reckless abandon. Sure, he could just get creative and use gratuitous amounts of magic, considering as a Commentator, he didn't have the same limitations of the local natives. But what kind of Arch-Nemesis would he be, if CescaLR could just write herself out of any situation?

Which brought Mr6volt to the latest oddity.

He had actually ran out of the coffee shop seconds after she had pushed through the revolving door of Intelligentsia, and saw that she had simply faded out of view in a flurry of fonts and html tags. After kicking a trash can in frustration, he noticed someone standing on the corner talking on a cell phone.

It was a man in his later years of life with short white hair, a face slightly too small for his head, and a self satisfied smirk. 'Mike Pence? Ugh, I wish he would get what's coming to him!' Mr6volt thought furiously.

Mr6volt thoughts were interrupted due to the horrifying sound of an L train derailing and smashing through the station wall above the street. As if it were a heat seeking missile, it crashed directly into the spot that Pence was currently standing, crushing him into a slurry of hate and sanctimony.

Mr6volt was sharply jolted out of his shock due to an older woman screaming unholy murder while covered head to toe in the now Former VP Candidate’s fluids. Turning around, he nervously stepped back into the coffee shop to avoid dealing with the screaming pedestrians. Thus missing the 2 cops CescaLR had sent after him, whom were thankfully distracted by the latest turn of events.

Mr6volt continued to sip his latte and observe the other customers that had yet to react to anything happening around them. You would almost think they were just props in the story. The hipster barista that was currently walking into a wall repeatedly was certainly... odd. 'Is the world glitching?'

Could it be that, Mr6volt had absorbed a small bit of CescaLR's Author Powers by simply being near her? Or was this some sort of limited version afforded to Commenters?

Coming to the conclusion that he may as well amuse himself until he can figure out how to best work within the Fandom Universe, he stood up, spun on his heel and disappeared with a CRACK!

* * *

 

Meanwhile, back at CescaLR's home...

Completely unbeknownst to everyone, Luna had somehow procured the mutated wolf form of Season 1 Peter Hale, whom was currently wearing a spiked collar, with a lead held by Luna herself.

"Luna, are you sure that's a good ide-". Malia attempted to assert before being interrupted. "Ssshhhhhh.... I'm about to introduce the good professor to Mr. Knotty Wolf!"

Professor Snape began sobbing, having already come to his own conclusion regarding what was about to happen.

[Log Creator: Virgil Date: Tue 11 Oct 2016 Time: 02:15AM BST]

* * *

 

[Log is open for Edit. Type ‘Yes’ to do so. Jackass.]

[‘No’]

[‘Then kindly bugger off; you’re using up power, that’s just unnecessary.]


	2. The Second Level.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so it continues...   
> Our 'heroes' battle it out some more, and more omakes are written. The log is as passive aggressive as per the norm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of this? Ah, shit.

[Log is open for editing. Just enter what you want, I’m in a good mood today.’]

 

[‘Yes’]

 

[Well fuck you too. Previous Log closed. New Log opened. Awaiting entry. Type away, buzzkill.]

 

CRACK!   
  
Mr6volt appeared among the crowd walking around Harry Potter Land. This allowed him to blend in and begin his Plan to cause Chaos!   
  
Tap-tap.. His wand twirled about gently tapping against random objects in the outdoor gift shop as he walked through.

 

Tap-tap-tap…

 

With each tap of his wand, an object would transform into a ball of multi-colored purring fur. And exactly 5 seconds later would pop like popcorn and become 2 little balls of purring fur.

 

Mr6volt continued this bit for a good 10 minutes, resulting in the street filling up with rapidly multiplying Tribbles. No-one seemed to mind, and a group of children began to skip and jump through the growing mass as if it were a giant ball pit.   
  
Noticing CescaLR walking further ahead and trying to take in everything simultaneously by tilting her slightly upwards and panning back and forth, Mr6volt decided to put his Plan into motion.

 

Cackling evilly, Mr6volt swirled his wand around over his head as if preparing to throw a lasso, he cast an area effect Summoning Charm on the Tribbles, and a Gemino Curse Accelerator simultaneously.   
  
Behind him, the massive pile of purring fur, gathered and then moved forward like a storm surge. Screams of joy, suddenly turned to screams of terror, as the many people caught in the rush were knocked off their feet, and carried forward. The Tribble Tidal Wave continued forward, split in half, and flowed safely around Mr6volt.(Still laughing madly)   
  


Hearing the screaming, and the cacophony of purring approaching her, CescaLR’s eyes grew very wide. *GASP* Unfortunately she didn’t have time to react, was instantly hit full-body by the Tribble Surge, and carried down the street.   
  
Finally surfacing in the current of of Tribbles, she observed attraction after attraction whiz by her. Gathering her wits about her, she immediately Wrote the Tidal Wave away, causing the Tribbles to dissolve into thin air, dropping her unceremoniously to the ground below her. “Bloody hell…” she muttered, as she rubbed her sore bottom.

 

Snarling in a very unlady-like manner upon seeing Mr6volt’s grinning visage, she Wrote a Dragon into existence that immediately lunged for her nemesis.   
  
“SHIT!” Mr6volt dove out of the way, just in time for the Dragon’s maw to strike the ground and send broken cobblestone flying. He pulled his wand out again, and fired off an Avada Kedavra in desperation at point blank range into the Dragon’s flank. It squealed pathetically, and yet loud enough to rattle the windows in the surrounding area, before collapsing unconscious.   
  
“You killed it?!” CescaLR shouted scandalized. Despite being an Author that was not new to the idea of Character Deaths, she was still bothered when she saw it in person.   
  
“No, it’s still alive.” Mr6volt huffed.

 

“How the HELL do YOU know? You cast an A.K. at it!” she threw back.

 

Mr6volt looked at her incredulously, and flashed his red Alpha eyes at her.

 

“Oh… right…” She blushed remembering he could hear heartbeats with his werewolf abilities.

 

“I can’t believe YOU tried to kill me with a fucking dragon!” Mr6volt accused, as he glared. “For fuck’s sake!” He threw his hands in the air. Upon dropping his arms, he immediately apparated away, leaving CescaLR standing next to a passed out Dragon in the middle of a wrecked amusement park.

 

Huffing in annoyance, CescaLR looked around at the ruined theme park. “Honestly.” She muttered. “Can’t even have a day out without a -” She paused. “...Tidal wave of furry things?” Bending down, she picked up one of the remaining furry creatures. It meowed at her, big eyes staring into her soul. “Awwww…” she cooed. “I’m keeping you.” Winking at the adorable animal, it disappeared in a swirl of text and html code. Looking around, she shook her head at the mess. “And, of course,  _ I  _ have to clean everything up…” 

And so, with a clap of her hands and a flash of light, the world went blue, then black - then back to its state prior to the fight. 

 

CescaLR appeared in a stormy swirl of fonts and plotlines, html and text sizes. Squinting in the midday sun, she smiled at the fixed area. “Finally.” She muttered to herself, writing in a Lotus Hotel And Casino platinum card. “I can have some  _ fun.”  _

CescaLR remembered suddenly that she hadn’t sent the Characters back to their Stories. Scowling, she waved an absent hand gesture, and in swirls of glitchy, uncaring code, the Characters went back Home. 

(Kind of. Oops.)   
  


Meanwhile:

Ron coughed yet again and waved his hand around in an attempt to disperse the cloud of incense that was unusually heavier today. He glared reproachfully at Professor Trelawney who appeared to be staggering around in yet another Cooking Sherry induced stupor. Ron leaned over and whispered "Bloody old sot!" Harry nodded in agreement.

"Hey, Ron.." Harry asked while looking to his left. "Why does Luna have that giant dog with her? I thought you could only have a Toad, Cat, or Owl at school?"

Ron turned and mentioned. "Better yet, what is Luna doing in our class? She's a year below us!"

Finally having a moment of lucidity, the Professor looked around the classroom and opened her mouth to address the class, only to utter something completely different. "AAAAHHHH!! THE GRIM!!!" She quickly scurried backwards and tripped over a table behind her. Her screams of "DEATH APPROACHES!!" was muffled by the horrendous crash of shattering glass and bouncing metal incense paraphernalia.

Sitting next to Luna, Peter The Giant Mutant Wolf merely rolled his eyes. 'Why can't I just kill them all?"

 

[Log Creator: Virgil Date: Tue 11 Oct 2016 Time: 03:43AM EDT]

 

[Log is open for Edit. Type ‘Yes’ to do so. Jackass.]

[‘Yes’]

[Log closed. New Log opened. Awaiting entry. Get on with it.]

_ Beep. beep. Read this fucking message already god damn it you useless Author. _

_ Beep. Beep _ …

CescaLR grimaced in annoyance, and slammed her hand down on the (ridiculously old fashioned, for Stylistic Purposes) communicator that was beeping at her, and also telling her off in the most monotone voice she'd ever heard.

(Well. She paused. Maybe not as monotone as a few teachers she's had, but still. It was also robotic, which did not help it's cause one bit, no sir.)

Blinking, she stared uncomprehendingly at her Boss. "Uh - BossMan, what you doing here?" He glared at her, and cleaned his glasses. The being rather reminded her of a mixture of a few Authority figures from different Fandoms, like Rupert Giles, or perhaps Alan Deaton. Ever changing, the Mentor/BossMan of the Authors' - what was it again? Guild? Union? Pantheon? Eh, doesn’t really matter - his appearance was never the same one for longer than a few seconds. The ‘Man’ scowled. "You've been careless again. I can only give you so many chances... and yet, you've somehow started a Comment War with another Author - though one who abandoned His Post, so therefore was Strike-ed from the Records - Who, thankfully, was downgraded to a Commenter's level of power; and yet, you foolishly spent  _ time _ in the same general area as him! Honestly.” CescaLR grimaces in consternation. (Well, it’s actually more of a sheepish, if unrepentant, smile, but that doesn’t matter.)

She shrugs. Her Mentor sighs. “But I digress. You started a war - and don't think it's gone unnoticed, young lady - and also, in your haste, made characters  _ aware _ that they are so! They're running  _ off script _ \- They're  _ saving lives! _ People aren't dying when they should do and Fate and Destiny are very,  _ very  _ angry… with  _ Me _ . You know how many alternate universes we've had to make to accommodate your mistakes?  _ Far too many _ ! And, even  _ worse _ , if that is possible, you've sent them back  _ with the memories and to the wrong places! _ ”

His rant over, the man sits in her office chair, and spins it slowly in a circle. If she wasn’t used to it, it would be a rather odd happening; the same exact voice coming from many a different person, with the same inflection and mannerisms and every tiny little detail excluding appearance.

“However, I do refuse to Suspend your powers - as you  _ are _ currently fighting a war, and need all the help you can get to fight against another of your Calibre. Though, I would like to offer you something."

There is a pause, and CescaLR responds, “Go on.”

He smiles.

“I can have the higher ups force a truce; during which you and… Mr6volt, if I’m not mistaken-“ and here, the corner of his mouth quirks upwards in reluctant amusement; as if he finds something morbidly funny about the situation. “- can simply co-exist, that is, if neither of you attacks the other. Then, unfortunately, we will  _ have  _ to at least Suspend your powers for a limited time, and force you two to get along. Honestly, it’s like watching children bicker.”

CescaLR rolled her eyes in response. “Sure. I don’t have much choice in the matter, regardless."

BossMan smiled, and the Cheshire Cat grin looked wrong on his face of Amalgamations. " _ Good. _ "

(CescaLR blinked, and the World Went Black. As, of course, it is wont to do in a Cliche Ending Scene.)

___

Meanwhile, across the multiverse in ‘verse 3-1-45, subset of ‘verses 300-True-Alpha and 100-Chosen-One;

Stiles, Scott and Malia groaned, consciousness coming to them slowly - until they noticed their surroundings. Stiles jumped when he didn't recognise them - they were in a train, he thinks - and Malia and Scott did the very same thing, at the exact same time.

 

The train compartment’s door was opened, and they realised they were the same size (or, more worryingly,  _ age _ ) as the eleven-year-old that had entered.

(There was another kid in the compartment that had been there before the three’s arrival, who was still in shock from the suddenness of it.

The boy had messy black hair, and bright green eyes seemingly too big for his (malnourished) face.)

"Uh - Hullo." The redhead greeted, then asked; "Can I join? Everywhere else is full..." He blinked. “Oh. So’s this place. Er - got any space to spare?”

[Log Creator: Virgil. Date: Tue 11 Oct 2016 Time: 02:18PM EDT]

[Log is open for Edit. Type ‘Yes’ to do so. Jackass.]

[‘No.’]

[Log closed. Shove off.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna get silly. Then it's gonna get serious. Then things will die. Just warnin' ya. No major's though. Jus' the little guys.


	3. The Battle for American Dignity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr6volt continues his mischief and gets a little revenge. CescaLR gains a few more grey hairs. oops?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CescaLR and Mr6volt could use some feedback to determine if there is any true interest in having this story continue. If not their efforts can be redirected to a different style of Fic that folks will enjoy more.
> 
> No really! Please comment... something?!

[Log is open for Edit. Type ‘Yes’ to do so. Jackass.]

[‘Yes’]

[Log closed. New Log opened. Awaiting entry. Get on with it.]

 

Crickets chirped, and leaves rustled in the crisp fall evening. In a wooded area of rural Oregon a small farm style house with a dirt driveway shown with the light of the moon. This peaceful setting was however, about to be rudely interrupted.

*Thud!*

*Thud! Thud! Thud!*

The sound of rubbery objects striking the flaking white wood siding of the house accelerated as it was assaulted with numerous multicolored dildos. Several windows shattered from the onslaught allowing the dildos to invade the house and begin slapping against furniture and appliances. But these weren’t normal garden variety multicolored dildos, oh no, they were self-replicating multicolored dildos.

“What the fu-!” An overweight man that looked like he was kicked in the face by a horse, was rudely awakened as he was hit in the face with a 12 inch black veiny cock. The intimidating phallus then flopped upwards before splitting into 3 even larger black dildos which then bounced off of his head. The man immediately attempted to dig through the mass of silicone quickly taking over his bedroom and make his way towards the door. Unfortunately before he could succeed, his bedroom was filled floor to ceiling with sex toys, completely burying him in place.

Outside the house with a mailbox that read “Bundy”, Mr6volt stood giggling while repeatedly flicking his wand towards the house. With each flick of his wand, a roiling mass of phalluses gathered and thrust themselves into the house.

After 5 minutes of continuous stuffing, combined with the gemino curse, the walls of the home began to bulge outward while creaking ominously.

Nodding to himself, Mr6volt muttered “That should do it… for now.” His last words were drowned out by the noise of the house collapsing. As the mass of dildos rushed outward in every direction, the ugly man also tumbled out into a sprawl on the driveway.

*CRACK!*

Mr6volt appeared in front of the US District Court in Portland, Oregon. One flourish of his wand later, and a 30 foot tall bronze penis with proportionate girth was erected upon the steps of the court house. An anatomically correct sack of balls were also present, and large enough to completely block all access to the front doors of the courthouse.

“Was it good for you?” Mr6volt chuckled before pulling out a smartphone in order to take a selfie. After taking a quick shot of himself with most of the oversized phallus and it’s balls in the frame, he sent a copy to CescaLR.

Meanwhile in ‘verse 3-1-45, subset of ‘verses 300-True-Alpha and 100-Chosen-One..

“Sweet Merlin!” Professor McGonagall cried while clutching the front of her robes. Sitting before her in the Headmaster’s office was first year student, Harry Potter. “A werewolf?! How ever did this happen?”

“GRRRR!” Harry growled monstrously through his fang filled mouth, as he struggled against the chains that secured him to the chair. His eyes were glowing a bright shade of yellow, and the ends of his fingers were tipped with wicked looking claws. While his school uniform was a bit disheveled, he could still pass for human if you only saw him at a distance from the rear.

“Not any werewolf i’ve ever seen. But of course, just like his father, he always thinks himself above the rules in every situation.” Professor Snape drawled derisively while stroking his chin. This had the effect of angering Harry further, giving him the strength to stretch the links of the chain. “RRRAAAAWWWWRR!”

Everyone in the room startled back a step, and exchanged apprehensive looks.

“It appears that the American transfer student, Scott McCall bit him…” Dumbledore paused in his reply. “Upon Harry’s request.”

“What?” McGonagall gasped.

Dumbledore nodded gravely. “According to the account provided by young Mr. Weasley, Harry was so desperate to avoid returning to the Dursley’s that he begged Mr. McCall to do it.” Sighing he continued. “And I’m afraid he was correct in his assumption of the consequences. We’re going to have to find alternative living arrangements for Harry this summer…”

“I would certainly hope so, Albus!” McGonagall snapped. “He’d sooner rip those muggles limb from limb than look at them!”

“Now, Minerva…”

“Don’t you ‘Now, Minerva’ me!” Minerva rounded on the Headmaster and began to stalk towards him. “I have told you time and again that they are the worst sort of muggles imaginable!” Her finger barely centimeter from his nose as her accent deepened in her anguish. “And now he has nowhere to go, which is entirely YOUR fault!”

“Errr… perhaps I could speak with the Weasleys…” Dumbledore hedged nervously.

Snape scoffed. “I can just see the headlines of the Prophet now… Bloodbath in Ottery St. Catchpole… Boy Who Lived to Devour 7 Gingers...”

“Severus!”

While the adults were talking about him as if he wasn’t there, Harry had managed to free one of his arms, and quickly ripped the remaining chains from his person. Just before he could take a swipe at the nearest human in the room, which was Snape, Dumbledore had pulled his wand out with speed belying his age, and cast a stunner that dropped the boy to the floor like a sack of angry potatoes.

[Log is open for Edit. Type ‘Yes’ to do so. Jackass.]

[‘Yes’]

[Log closed. New Log opened. Awaiting entry. Get on with it.]

CescaLR was sitting around in a small… Bosta Coffee… shop, thinking about how to spend the short time she had (Well, she’d say short, but really it’s more like twelve hours) before she had to do any work.   
And, as it is wont to do during stories, a plot bunny hopped over to her and handed her a smartphone. Blinking at it, she raised an un-plucked brow and took the phone, grinning at the… Nurface Shone… nodding to the bunny. The little white rabbit saluted her, then hopped over to the barista and ordered some carrots.   
Shaking her head at the phone that hadn’t even come out yet - ah, what am I saying, of course it has….  
Moving on.  
(CescaLR is glaring up at me. I am to inform you it has come out in our world; just not yours. Apologies.)  
CescaLR grimaced when she noticed that she had received a text from Mr6volt. Wondering what mess he’d made this time, the Authoress glanced at the text, then took a double take. Growling (in a very unladylike manner; but then since when had she been ladylike) the girl stuffed her things into her Bag Of Endless Carrying Capacity, stood up and snapped her fingers.  
(She had a rather phallic statue to remove, and a house to fix.)  
[Virgil is informing you of the below; neither of the MCs were present. Virgil would also like to inform you that MC stands for Main Character; but he’s just too lazy to write that out.]  
CescaLR left the coffee shop in a swirl of fonts and program code, and was therefore not present to see the glitching barista; who was continually pouring an endless coffee, or the rabbit that was handing out the newest tech to the empty chair she had just evacuated.   
(Nor did she see the chairs and tables that were flickering in and out of code, or the purple couch that was missing it’s texture.)

Meanwhile previously, in ‘verse 3-1-45, subset of ‘verses 300-True-Alpha and 100-Chosen-One;

The sorting was to happen soon.  
This meant Harry was nervous. Mind you, not as nervous as he would have been in universe 100-Chosen-One, but still nervous.  
However, these nerves were overpowered by the sheer strangeness of three of the friends he’d picked up.   
Ron and Harry were only slightly surprised by the ghosts that had appeared, however it appeared that the three friends were either utterly terrified, or utterly paranoid.  
(Harry understood; after all, how could he not with his childhood?) 

You see, the three had jumped, then put themselves in defensive positions. The… Scott one, was at the front, (for the life of him, Harry couldn’t remember the girl’s name, but she was to his right), and the Stiles (hard to forget that name) one was to his left. “Where’d he get that?” Ron asked loudly frowning at the metal bat the tallest one was holding. Harry blinked, because he hadn’t seen it. “Hell if I know.” he muttered. Ron shrugged and nodded.   
Before the three could do anything, A woman with a severe demeanour appeared at the top of the stairs. Stiles’ bat disappeared back to wherever it came from, and the three spun around, the two in the front with Scott behind and between them. The woman looked to them sharply, and only Scott looked a little sheepish. The boy tapped his friends’ shoulders, and the girl stopped glaring, but Stiles required a significant look before he did too. 

Pursing her lips, the lady introduced herself as Professor McGonagall, and explained a few surface things about hogwarts, before leading the group of first years, including Harry after Ron had grabbed his arm and dragged him (Because Harry had stilled at ‘family’; considering his was never as nice as it should have been) along with them. The two of them ended up behind the three american students, And rather than in alphabetical order, the line was called up in the order that they were standing.  
“Malia Tate...Hale? Tate-Hale.” The woman called out, surprisingly to Harry, and to the rest of the pupils, stumbling over the girl’s name. “It’s just Tate.” The eleven year old informed the Professor, before sitting down and jamming the Hat over her head. A few moments later, “Gryffindor!” Was yelled out, and she took off the hat, then stood to the side. The professor gestured to the red and gold table, but the girl looked to Stiles, who nodded, before going there. Scott McCall was called to the front, and the hat was on his head for much longer before calling out “Gryffindor!” again. The third one, was then attempted to be called. “...” The teacher was silent, staring down confusedly at the parchment she was holding. “It’s Stiles.” The boy told her as he walked calmly to the stool. “Stiles Stilinski.” He informed her. The woman’s brow cleared as the parchment was updated, and she nodded.  
The hat was on his head for much longer than the others, and many had grown restless by the time it begrudgingly called out “Gryffindor!” Happily, the boy took off the hat and jogged over to the table, Scott clapping him on the shoulder and Malia smiling at him. 

The rest of the sorting came and went, with Harry’s taking even longer than Stiles’ if that was possible.

Harry sat next to Ron, across from the three American students, and caught the tail end of Scott’s question.   
“-you guys almost get put in?” Scott finished asking. “None.” Ron replied proudly. Nodding, Malia added “Liar. I was almost put in Hufflepuff, or Slytherin.” She told Scott. Ron scowled at her, before shrugging it off and digging into his meal. Stiles grinned. “You tell us yours Scott.” Scott smiled. “This one, obviously, but also Hufflepuff and Slytherin. You?” He asked of Stiles, ignoring the looks he gained from that bit of information. “Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw.” Stiles listed off, grinning. “‘Course, I asked to come here, ‘cause of you guys, and he said I’d fit right in - even if he wanted to put me elsewhere. What about you, Harry?” the boy enquired. Feeling emboldened from the fact these others had been offered the same, he said. “All of them, as well. It really wanted Slytherin though.” He told them. Harry nudged Ron. “What about you mate?” Ron glanced nervously down the table, and Harry noticed his brothers were listening in and failing to be discrete about it. “Uhm…” Ron started. “A few.” He finished. Stiles nodded. “All of them then. Honestly, this house system is stupid.” The older years who’d been listening in looked offended, the youngers intrigued. “You really think so? I mean, if it was so, wouldn’t it have been abolished by now? After all, nobody wants a system that doesn’t work.” The aloof girl from the train put in. Scott inclined his head. Malia rolled her eyes. “Sure people gain from corrupted systems. People lose; but other’s gain. It’s how it works.”   
“Now now.” An older red-head put in; Ron muttered “Prat” under his breath so Harry figured this must be Percy. “I’m certain Professor Dumbledore would have the system abolished if it was as problematic as you seem to think. You all best eat; the feast will be over soon.” And with that, their conversation was put on hold, as the three Americans balked and then began to eat as quickly as Ron was, and nowhere near neater.   
Sighing, Harry put as much as he figured he could manage onto his plate, and began to eat quickly; considering how used he would be to the possibility of it being taken away, why wouldn’t he be able to do that, as well as be neat about it?

[Log is open for Edit. Type ‘Yes’ to do so. Jackass.]

[‘Yes’]

[Log closed. New Log opened. Awaiting entry. Get on with it.]

Mr6volt dusted his hands off as he walked away from the front doors of Trump Tower in NYC. “This inauguration is going to be QUITE entertaining…” he giggled as he turned on his heel and disapparated.

Hundreds of feet above, in Donald Trump’s penthouse, Mike Pence was on his knees between Trump’s legs. “Oh Donny, the things you do to mmmph…”

Behind the impassioned men, Trump’s wife Melania sat nearby upon a gilded chair smoking a cigarette. Her cold indifference to the situation betraying her relief that she was not the one pleasuring the aging cheetoh that evening.

Her thoughts drifted towards her mother country. ‘Oh, how I miss Bled Cream Cake…’ *sigh* ‘Perhaps I can use this to bully Don into flying me home to visit my family.’ Her eyebrow twitched at Mike’s impressive looking… technique. ‘I’ll have to remember that one…’

\----  
CRACK!

Mr6volt was now strolling through the halls of the US Congress building. As he passed random members of said congress, his wand subtly twitched every so often, as he cast a time delay spell upon specific individuals.

A turtle transfiguration for one Mr. McConnell, a catholic priest uniform spell with attached child golem conjuration for Mr. Cruz, and a stripper hex for Mr. Rubio.

Spells continued to fire off as Mr6volt felt so inspired for another 20 minutes. At that point, he nodded to himself, and disappeared with another CRACK!

\----

Hillary Clinton can be called many things, some flattering, others… not so much. But at that moment, she could be described as completely inelegant as Tea shot out of her nose. She began to laugh hysterically as the Fox News reporter attending the US Presidential Inauguration gawked in awe as Mike Pence and Donald Trump began to assault each others mouths in a fit of passion.

Hillary’s cup bounced across the floor as she fell into a full belly laugh. Behind the reporter who was still stuttering, the new President and Vice President had already removed each other’s clothing and proceeded to copulate to the crowd’s disgust. Said reporter began to dry heave upon witnessing Trump’s blubber quake from each thrust of his generous hips. 

\-----

In a little office somewhere in the UK, CescaLR’s Dr. Who marathon was rudely interrupted by a breaking news story.

The glass in her hand shattered as she took in the video evidence of what was obviously her nemesis’s actions. “God DAMN it!”

Meanwhile at Los Angeles International Airport in Universe 100-True-Alpha-B…

“Turkish Airlines Flight 10 to Istanbul will be boarding shortly. If you are Star Alliance Gold, Elite, Elite Silver, or in Business Class…” A young woman with a heavy accent continued to announce instructions at the nearby gate. Jackson Whittemore found his arms bracketed by his Father. “This is our chance to start over. I expect all of this… wolf nonsense to stay under wraps. Understand?”

“Don’t worry, your reputation won’t be sullied by me losing control and slaughtering a room full of people.” Jackson’s eyes and voice were positively arctic. It was obvious he hadn’t come here willingly.

“Keep your voice down!” His father hissed as he looked over his shoulder.

Before Jackson could roll his eyes, there was a tremendous crash as what appeared to be a old fashioned sailing boat had suddenly exploded into existence in the center of the airport terminal. Almost immediately a young girl could seen swinging in their direction from a rope as if she were a pirate boarding an enemy ship, complete with a pirate outfit and eye patch.

The girl landed 5 feet from Jackson and his father in a fluttering of platinum blonde hair. “Come with me, if you want to live!” The effect was rather ruined by her dreamy expression and tone of voice.

[Log Creator: Virgil Date: Wed 18 Jan 2017 Time: 06:33PM EDT]

[Log is open for Edit. Type ‘Yes’ to do so. Jackass.]

**Author's Note:**

> IT IS TOTAL CRAZINESS. It's fucking great omg.


End file.
